What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 01:46
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She married twice! .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
MIT’s Chilling Experiment That Could Prove Gravity Is Quantum - SciTechDaily
I said to her
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Hailee Steinfeld Marries Bills QB Josh Allen - The Hollywood Reporter
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So whats the point in blame.
I write beautiful poetry .
Ask Ethan: What are the "first stars" in the Universe? - Big Think
She wouldn,t have been !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I gave him everything. He said he loved me. Why?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Season 3 Perfect Parry change has big implications for C. Viper in Street Fighter 6 - EventHubs
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
All the time i was locked up.
I was very sick at this time too.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Is It Finally a Buyer’s Market in Housing? - A Wealth of Common Sense
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why do some straight men enjoy wearing women's lingerie?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I think the readers, may guess!
How do I build muscle easily with isometrics?
Why did i forgive my father ?
I waited trembling.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I will be 64.
I was scared of men, in general
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My family never makes their pension either.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She loved him until the end.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We were not on the streets..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But it wasn’t much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot live in the past .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He knew the spot.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Who then, do I blame.?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Ive learnt so much.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As i do to all so called friends.?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was seconnd youngest,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I could never make a relationship work though!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im still living with it.
We all went to grammer schools
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So, i spoilt her more .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I have no regrets .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My life is so biszare .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was in good health!
I was 9 years of age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Comes on , in middle age.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What did i know ?
Put me off passion for life!!
I don,t even have a pension.
But, we were locked up after school.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She found it foreign!.
And i lived it daily.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Would this be the day?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It was going to be , some day.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
This is soul school!.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I couldn’t, believe it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
When she asked me how she looked .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!